When I was a little girl shopping trips were something else.
My outfit picked with care, with both form and function in mind.
We leave the house, me and mom,
Hand in hand, the joy no less than traveling to the most exotic destinations.
The shop a burst of colours. A hundred shades of red, a thousand shades of blue, a million shades of pink.
The mannequin looking no less than a vogue model. Wearing a concoction of greens and yellows, she seems more green than yellow to me every time.
The shopping trips were something else,
My mom’s excitement increasing, the shopkeeper welcomes us with a smile.
The salesman displays a plethora of hues and styles,
Mom picks the happiest shade of pink,
The brightest shade of gold reflecting in her eyes,
Her smile the prettiest colour of a gem stone.
I take step after step towards the changing room,
Filled with the darkest shade of dread,
Praying for any possible shade of mercy.
The shades change drastically after the trial,
The salesman the whitest shade of indifference, sometimes the slyest shade of grey,
My mom the gloomiest shade of disappointment,
Me the brightest pink of embarrassment.
My curiosity a rainbow towards every woman’s excitement for shopping.
The shades disappear as the sizes show their face.
We leave the store with the second best outfit if we are lucky.
The excitement disappears, the trip feels no less than a chore.
My mom nagging, telling me to exercise,
As I turn into a teenager, me and my clothes strike a compromise,
As they refuse to fit me,
I run, cycle and dance,
Run, cycle and dance,
To fit into them.
The battle to fit into the smallest possible size continues,
With an additional burden of loving myself,
I still pick a size too large to save myself the embarrassment,
The mirror mocking me,
Telling me I’ll never be small enough.
The shopping trips are still something else,
Instead of forcing love, with each trip I try to hate myself a little less.


13 thoughts on “Shopping

  1. Your words express your feelings so well. But why do you want to be small enough? You are who you are. I believe we have to accept what and who we are. Anyway, take care and all the best.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you , being ‘small enough’, is something I considered necessary when I was younger, now I know better, Thanks for readingπŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We all pass through different stages in life πŸ™‚and we want to be something else. My daughter has curly hair and when she was in her teens, she wanted straight hair. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. πŸ™‚ We sure do, more power to you and your daughter πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such a heart-wrenching poem/story of shopping for those of us who don’t fit the mold of beauty, especially as teenagers. I love the way you used color, especially as part of the slow slide into a less “colorful” experience. But the cliche isn’t a cliche for no reason – true beauty resides within and shines through the skin. The growth at the end made me smile a knowing smile. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading, and yes indeed true beauty resides within, thanks for the lovely comment πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Heart-wrenching is right … a century ago curves were in! Now androgenos the trend … skinny seldom looks healthy. You are on the right track with self-love, it’s so healing.

    Size, shape, colour are odious; it’s what’s inside that really counts and if others can’t accept that then best to make some distance. Your mother should support and love you never put you down … she is blinded by societal rules and you don’t need to conform. Ask her if she loves you enough to accept as you are …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Kate! We all learn at our own pace, I learnt to love myself and my mother learnt to accept meπŸ™‚β€οΈ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. oh yea! Always a good idea to post that when you write true stories from your past … save us from worrying πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I am sorry to have you worrying Kate… I’ll make sure to attach a little explanation the next time …. Thanks for the concern though πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      3. lol just me, no harm done … one blogger used to write some heavy stuff, but it was just her writing, not her life πŸ™‚
        Much easier once I know πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

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